I went to the grocery store and as soon as I walked in, I went to the right. I looked back and noticed that the people behind me also chose the same path. As I walked down the aisles, I realized that I unconsciously walk on the right side and those coming towards me stay to their own right. If I have to get something on the left side I leave my cart on the right, cross over to the wrong side to retrieve my item, then cross back to the right side. I’m really not sure why I've been oblivious to it until now. In the mall, people usually stay to the right side when walking.
The easiest way to annoy those around you is to walk on the left side toward oncoming traffic. And if someone is walking towards you when you are walking right, they just can’t apologize fast enough. Right is right and left is wrong.
I'm not sure how it actually started. Maybe it’s the whole driving thing. We feel like we're breaking the law if we walk on the left. I wonder which side they walk on in England. It could also be the righty, lefty thing. Most of the population is right handed/right footed/right brained. Somewhere between ninety and ninety-three percent of the population is right handed. That leaves seven to ten percent as lefties to annoy the rest of us. I was always good at math.
When we write, we go from left to right so we don't get ink on our hand. That's why it's not called writing and lefting. The ergonomics of scissors is a right-handed man's game. Did you ever buy the lefty scissors by accident and not realize it until two months later when you were wrapping Christmas presents and you ended up with that painful indentation in your thumb that hurt until 8pm New Years eve. When someone does something correctly, it is called doing it right and not left. We even shake hands righty; the proper greeting is a handshake where we touch right hands with the other guy. Every man I’ve ever met greets this way; that is everyone except for Bob Dole, but he’s a Republican
Cameras have the shudder button on the right side, guns are for righties, even your average household spoon is weighted to give advantage to the right handed eater. It's no wonder I look forward to dinner. And at dinner, we hold our meat in place with the fork in our left hand and cut with the right, then switch hands to put the food in our mouth with our right hand. Then move the fork back to the left as a meat holder.
When someone is clumsy, they have not one but two left feet. The buttons on the microwave are on the right side, even knives are designed for righties. In 99% of McDonalds, the bathroom is around to the right side. My Levis have that little mini-pocket in the right front pocket (for change, condoms, and movie ticket stubs) but not the left. Levis also have not one but two labels on the right rear of your jeans. Many computer mouses (or is it mice, or maybe meece?) are designed for only right-handed people. Even the numbers on the keyboard are on the right. It’s no wonder that most lefties are not computer literate.
According to Wikipedia, left handedness was beaten out of people during the 18th and 19th century. Some righties believe we should continue this practice today. And since one doesn't wear a watch on the hand they use most, a leftie wears their watch on the right wrist. They have to reach over the watch in a very awkward way to adjust the time since the buttons are on the right side of the watch.
We’ve all heard the terms left behind or left in the dust for the person that loses. When someone is correct they are in the right. Even boxing calls lefties (boxers that lead with their right foot) southpaw. This refers to the boxer’s right foot which points south which means they are the spawn of Satan. Since left-handers are disadvantaged in every other area of life, they box so they have a distinct advantage. As a righty steps into them to throw a punch, they step right into a hard left with almost no way to defend against it. So if you are one of those half-percenters who asked a right for help reading this, us righties are giving you a chance to convert or be left in a lurch.
a decidedly myopic rehashing of the not so obvious... Seinfeld should have thought of it
