SAN FRANCISCO--With the recent acquisition of the iCloud.com domain, Apple announced its new cloud-based storage system earlier today. The domain was purchased from Xcerion, a Sweden-based cloud computing provider, for a rumored $4.5 million. Apple announced last Wednesday it would kick off its Worldwide Developers Conference in San Francisco with the details of iCloud. The California-based computer company is positioning the free iCloud to replace its costly MobileMe.
According to inside sources, this acquisition of iCloud.com has prompted a bigger concern among Apple brass than the system itself. They are just now realizing the price of not owning the trademark to every word beginning with 'i' and they are examining the long term financial drain of not previously pursuing the trademark of it.
Apple representatives declined to comment on iCloud but they did discuss the extensive cost of launching a new product. Apple’s Chief Marketing Guru Steve “not that Steve” Newton stated “we have decided to take a positively proactive posture to the propulsion of new products. Just the acquisition of the iCloud.com domain has cost many much millions. We could brainstorm every potential product name for technology that hasn’t been conceived yet or we can just go to the first line of computer code if you will. Apple has been known to begin product names with i. We have recently taken steps to trademark the lower case i and h and j too for future product expansion.” He went on to say that when the trademark is approved, it will be trademark infringement to use, “say, write or make reference to any word beginning with i. Don’t be silly, I’m not saying that people can’t use i in normal conversation. I’m saying that if they do they will be slapped with a huge ass lawsuit.”
To expand on Apple’s stance, i can be used just as long as it’s a capital I and not a lowercase one. The word Improvement can be written or spoken if it’s at the beginning of a sentence. If It Is In the middle of a sentence, the i needs to be stressed thus turning a small i into a large one. “So there isn’t an accidental Infringement, It’s best to stress the whole word Instead of just the I”, an Apple representative suggested. Thus the previous sentence would be rewritten as ‘So there ISN’T an accidental INFRINGEMENT, IT’S best to stress the whole word INSTEAD of just the I.’
Apple went on to say that they’re going to loosely enforce the trademark for the first two weeks, and then they will “squash violators like a late night kitchen cockroach. After a fortnight, we will prosecute to the fullest extent of the law. These infringers can’t just disregard trademark laws.”
This Is the most aggressive action taken by Apple In recent years. The ongoing legal tangles with The Beatles and suing of Samsung, seems to have given Apple the confidence to turn up the heat on protecting and enforcing Its trademarks.
We asked Apple for further clarification and their legal division, The Apple Corp, responded with a strongly worded email with lots words In capitals and a bold face font one can only describe as Franklin Gothic Heavy: “We will slap offenders with a gazillion dollar trademark INFRINGEMENT lawsuit. We’re trying to be as nice about this as we possibly can. Additionally, if people attempt to test us by worming eye and aye into conversation where it’s not appropriate, they will meet with the full crushing power of The Apple Corp.”
“We want the public to understand that they can’t just go on using random letters just because they feel like it,” an unidentified Apple rep stated. “That’s just irresponsible and irrational behavior. What’s next? What's to stop them from walking into a bank and just taking all of the money? The Apple Corp, will investigate, invoke, indict, and incarcerate any individuals who insinuate they are immune to the insidious byte of Apple. Just as we have successfully enforced the ‘Pod’ part of iPod, we now feel compelled to give the same overdue attention to the i.”
