Technology is Anti-Social: From a List of Things That Annoy Me

Apple reported earnings recently above analysts estimates, but those same analysts want to now downgrade Apple’s stock as they claim iPad sales are slowing. Anyone who knows anything about anything Apple, knows that there is an iPad Mini pulling sales, which there wasn't at this time last year, and the full sized iPad has had basically the same design for over a year now (with the exception of the adding of the lightening cable for the iPad 4, even though there really was never an iPad 3) and we all know the new one is coming so of course people aren’t going buy the current gen when the next iteration will arrive in a little over a month. 

And I thought isn’t it funny that analyst sounds a lot like anal-cyst and every time I hear one of them talk, I feel like I'm in at proctologists office and I reflexively squinch my butt cheeks together and wince as if I’ve eaten a lemon. The analcysts won’t be happy until the reincarnated Steve Jobs releases a new iPad every week and has iPhones in every color, in every size, and at every price point including one at the $.50 claw machine at Chucky Cheese. 

And I’m always hearing those Grape Nut eating hippies complaining that technology, and more specifically that Apple technology, is ruining human interaction because some are clicking away on their phones when they should be engaged with those in their immediate vicinity. I can cover this two different ways. First, I’ve seen people in a restaurant with their phone under the lip of the table while they peer down at it with rubber eyes and I have to imagine that the people complaining about this practice are the ones being ignored. 

I am usually not any of the above people because I surround myself with interesting people and I try to hold up my end of the conversation like a guy carrying the heavy end of a couch while helping a friend move to a three-story walkup. I have also been know to, on occasion, to be known on occasion, and have also been the guy texting if the person across the table is utterly boring. 

And in every group of friends there is one person who is the boring one who, when they open their mouth, everyone pulls out their phones and checks the sports scores even if they aren’t into sports. And if you say “none of my friends are boring” then we all know you're the boring one. 

So if you complain about those on their phones, try this: SAY SOMETHING INTERESTING and we’ll be so entertained that we won’t want to look at our phones. And if you do choose not to, which is your right, this is America for gosh sakes, I pray that they make a larger iPhone so instead of holding it under the table, I can hold it up in front of me so I don’t have to look at your boring face. 

These people are the same reason why I had invisible friends before I had a cell phone, so I could avoid these people and not have to Oedipus out not only my eyes but my eardrums as well. I do understand that there are some who think that if you use any technology at all, you’re being anti-social and that is true if you’re with your friends and tweeting about what a great time you’re having. Or if you’re having a restaurant meal with your wife and kids and you deem it necessary to FB a picture of the food on your plate. But sometimes, being on your phone in your downtime, is the most social thing you can do. 

As I type this, it’s 6am on a Thursday and I’m in a strange Starbucks; there’s no one here I know and most of my friends are asleep, so I just wished one of them a happy birthday via FB. And I have friends who live across the country and even in other countries, so we use FB, Skype, and Facetime to stay connected. 

I’m also quite convinced that people have been ignoring each other since the beginning of time and technology is just this generation's excuse. Aristotle was concerned about the impact the written word would have on philosophical discourse so he'd go the grocery store without his wife's list and always forget the milk. Video games seem to be the death for kids today and television was the end all for my generation. I’m sure at the dawn of time there was someone saying “Attuck only play with fire. Why he not engage in life? And Grog won’t smash rocks now dat he got wheel. And kids now just paint cave. What happen to good old days?”

I’m sure Picasso heard “Get your head out your easel. It’s a beautiful day.” I read bedtime stories to my niece and nephew from my iPad and someone told me that’s "horrible" and they’re being "affected" by technology. Reading a digital book is no different than reading an actual book. Actually it's better as iBooks is active and has animations. I can carry scores of books in the space of one, there are no torn pages, and I can download a new book in a few seconds rather than making a trip to the bookstore. The iPad also has a backlight so I can read to them from their beds instead of all of us squeezed into a chair in the corner by the light.

Technology can be used to enhance one's life and not necessarily be a distraction. I find that it allows me to enjoy freedom and escape the tyranny of others. I don't have to be stuck in a dead end conversation with some self important a$$hole. I can pull out my iPhone and begin typing or pretend I just received an important call. I sometimes put my headphones on even if nothing is playing and give a polite nod.

I'll never been the guy FB posting "having a great time at the Yankee game" and attaching a picture of the field. I'll enjoy the moment with my phone firmly in my pocket. But I will take my phone out to snap a picture of me with my friends and share it the next day with others. 

I’d better wrap this up and stop breathing this Starbucks air. The people at the next table are texting each other pictures of their lattes.