Schoolhouse Rock taught us that Three is a Magic Number. Three represents the past, present, and future and also faith, hope, and charity. It takes three to make a family; there are even three trimesters to having a baby.
There are three stages of life and The Riddle of the Sphinx had three parts which Oedipus solved in less than three tries. The day has morning, noon, and night. Life seems to work in threes as far as I can tell. There were Three Stooges and even though someone could argue that there were many more, there were never more than three on screen at a time.
Everything in the universe is made up of atoms and all atoms have three parts: protons, neutrons, and electrons.
Three blind mice came after the farmer’s wife who cut off their tails with a carving knife which left three little tails lying around the farmhouse which the farmer didn’t appreciate especially after working in the fields all day and he thrice screamed at his wife.
Three amigos were the Spanish version of the musketeers but they were really just white comedy actors so they should have just been called The Three Dudes Who Dressed Like Mexican Waiters.
Three tenors, Pavarotti, Domingo, and the other guy, took on the quartet which turns the idea of greater numbers on its ear which puts three over four which is seventy-five percent.
Horse racing has the trifecta and the Triple Crown and after three years of having a three foot tall man race on it, a three year old horse is put out to three years of studding then turned into thirty-three containers of three ounce glue.
Boxing has the one-two-three knockout punch which makes sense as Ali threw only three punches of note to take down Sonny Liston. When dressing for a formal occasion, and the tuxedo is considered too much and jeans are too bluecollarish, the three-piece suit is a perfect fit. The major attraction, as far as circuses go, is the three-ring kind.
Even the Charmed girls were connected by The Power of Three. A chant only works when it is recited three times by three different people. In Tim Burton’s film, the name Beetlejuice had to be recited three times to make him go away. And there’s The Triad and a trio. “The power of three will set us free.”
In giving a speech, there are three stages: first, tell the audience what you’re going to tell them; then tell them; and thirdly, then tell them what you’ve told them which makes me wonder about the crowd you’re talking to if they have to hear it three times before they get it.
Movies and plays have three acts and story structure has three parts: first create tension, then develop it, finally, release it which makes me think sex must have three parts as well.
The best movies are now in 3D and we actually live in 3D and not in 2D or 4D. Even the movie going process has three stages: first, fork over $49.50 for two movie tickets, a larger popcorn, two large sodas, Junior Mints, and Gummy Bears; second, sit in a food stained seat with the good thing being the lights are actually off when you enter so you don’t see what you’re sitting on; third, fall asleep during the first forty-five minutes of the previews and not wake until the movie’s closing credits.
You rub a lamp and you get three wishes. All truth goes through three stages: first is rejected, then it is violently opposed, and finally it is accepted as self evident. The three little pigs had three little houses and, in the non-Disney version, there were three meals with the pigs being only two of them.
There are the big three auto makers in Detroit and the big three golfer’s from the 1960s. There are three evils along with three Hanson brothers and three Dixie chicks which adds up to three groups I can do without. Three boys and three girls, along with three adults make up Brady bunch.
The Three musketeers Athos, Porthos, and Shemp were waiting for their soup to cool and went for a walk. They lived deep in the woods, had moustaches and beards, and wore disguises because they were quite hairy. When they arrived home, they found that the three wise men had dropped by and eaten the soup; they would have drunken it but it was a creamy and chunky soup that required a knife and fork. On the table the wise guys left frankincense, gold, and candy bars that consisted of chocolate cover nougat. The gold was apparently left in payment for the meal and an overnight stay. The three wise men hadn’t had the forethought to bring a map on the road to Jerusalem which makes me wonder why they aren’t remembered as The Three Sort of Smart Guys Who Forget Things and Won’t Stop at a Gas Station. The musketeers brought the gold to the mall and exchanged it for instant cash; the frankincense was used in the bedroom to cover up the smell of marijuana from the wise men. And that also answers the question as to why The Three Semi-Smart dudes carried so many semi-sweet chocolate bars.
Babies come in threes and people die in threes. Aladdin was granted three wishes; there are three lights on a traffic light and three figures in the holy trinity.
There were three men and a baby. Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub, which is more than just a creepy image. Alvin, Simon, and Theodore were the three chipmunks and the three nephews of Donald Duck were Huey, Dewey, and Jenna Jameson.
Three monkeys see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil and loose-leaf paper is kept in a three ring binder. In Golf, one under par is a birdie, two under is a eagle, and three under is an albatross; a rare bird name for a rare golf score. I’m not sure why low golf scores are named after birds; the last time I played golf, my ball hit a swan, which seems like it should have gotten me a good score, but I was kicked off the course.
Three strikes and you’re out in baseball, which has three bases and three outs that end an inning. The most valuable shot in basketball is worth three points and the triple-double is one of the most coveted achievements. Track doesn’t have the double or quadruple jump, it’s a triple. Football’s longest field goal is three points, hockey has three periods and tennis has three sets and the balls come in a tube of three. Three goals is a hat-trick and three touchdowns is twenty-one points which is a two and a one side-by-side which, when added, equals three.
One of the most powerful sexual arrangements is a ménage a trois or a three-way and there is no such thing as a love square in a world where less should lose out over more.
I’d love to continue writing by I’ve ignored two my editor’s calls. I don’t want him to have to call me a third time.
